May 19: Monday (Vacation) Note

[kinetic_elaboration]

At my parents’. I’ve been having a rough half a week or so, and I’m feeling a bit better now, but still not in the mood to be introspective. I just feel like… disconnected from myself, unsure of my identity in a weird and disconcerting way. Things don’t feel real. I’ve always generally felt pretty comfortable in my own brain, but I’ve just been feeling like I can’t fully trust either my moods/emotions or my ability to evaluate myself logically.

But–I assume with time this will get better. I also have been feeling very down on myself and those are the thoughts I’m most vociferously stamping down. Those do no good for me.

I’ve spent some more time getting my new computer together. It’s going pretty well. I like the new keyboard, the feel of it (and that all the keys reliably work) and it’s nice to have a real battery again and a machine that turns on reasonably fast etc. I’m still getting used to the trackpad. I miss my old one with the individual buttons, and it just sounds so loud. But I’ll get used to it before too long, I’m sure. And I like some of the other shortcuts it has.

I can’t believe it’s already the end of Monday. I fear this vacation will go by too fast.

Tomorrow I’d like to do some writing. I feel like the next project on my list is probably a bad one for my current mental state but on the other hand–I don’t feel like figuring out a different project… the tyranny of choice etc. I mean in one sense all writing is basically the same and I don’t need to be overthinking and making things arbitrarily harder for myself. Just do the thing, basically, and I’ll get into it once I start.

And then some reading, some random tasks, and that will be a decent day.