May 11: Sunday Note

[kinetic_elaboration]

I’ve been flipping through possible short scenes to write for a while now, but I can’t focus on any one long enough to really care about it, or rather to really believe in it. Probably too late for that anyway. I’m in one of those moods where I sort of feel like there’s no point, like I don’t have anything to say really, and maybe never did. A real paradox there given how many words I’ve written and how many unwritten and partially written ideas I have.

I did some stuff this weekend, the most important stuff, but not everything I had unrealistically hoped to do. Which is fine. I have my usual unrealistic Sunday expectations of what this week will be like. And as pertains to things like writing or reading… I do have a whole week off coming up, on the other side of what will hopefully not be too brutal of an experience, so there will be time for those sort of activities then. Hopefully.

The grad school au that I’ve been wanting to work on is still intimidating me but I think the various thoughts I’ve had about it do count as work, in a way. I mean I’m getting closer to being able to sit down to it. I think of it as exploring in a dark cave… it’s also sort of chiseling painstakingly out of rock. Such a heavy story, in a lot of ways.