May 10: Some Writing Thoughts

[kinetic_elaboration]

I feel like I had things I was going to say about writing today but… maybe not. Maybe they’re just the same old, usual things. The same frustrations. I feel like I have so many stories where I’m just wandering around in the dark and it’s intimidating and sometimes demoralizing. Sometimes I consider if it would be better to just focus on one of the projects for an extended period—depending on what it is, maybe until completion—but I don’t know… The thing is that whether I continue rotating or temporarily abandon all but one, this feeling of wading around in the shallows probably won’t fundamentally change unless I also just write more. Which is both a perpetual problem I always have/feel like I have and a thought that immediately hits up against all of these other Life Issues. Like, life just being hard, etc.

Sometimes I do have this random urge, like, I want to finish something and I want to POST it! Because the truth is I don’t really post things anymore and that’s okay. It’s sort of like being quasi-retired although that implies a certain permanence—so it’s more like being on a long semi-hiatus. I’m still updating my active WIP, the drawer fic, but other than that I haven’t posted in a long while and it’s not because I’m not writing, it’s just that nothing is ready yet. Some things aren’t ready no matter how you squint and others I just don’t want to rush. I also don’t think there’s that much of an audience for anything I’d post at this point. Not to sound greedy for feedback but like… apparently when I have neither illusions about that nor a particular deadline, and I’m really writing ‘for me’ things don’t really get done lol. (At’ing everyone who’s like ‘I don’t need to actively engage with fanworks because people should be creating for themselves!!’ with this observation.) So I guess what I’m maybe saying more with this instinct is that I miss, like, being in a more active fandom community, participating in events, etc.

Anyway. The next thing on my randomly rotated writing agenda is the grad school AU. This probably isn’t the best thing to write while I’m experiencing higher than average amounts of anxiety. On the other hand, it’s been a while since I worked on it—literally over two months uggggh—so it could probably use some acknowledgement of its existence. It’s annoying that most writing requires such a time and energy carve out. I was out today buying things and enjoying the weather and having coffee, and I probably could have written in the late afternoon/evening, but didn’t. And tomorrow I have All the Laundry and other cleaning plans, which will probably take up all my energy. And this week… on the one hand, the last before vacation; on the other, not a lot of wiggle room.

So! But on the other hand, I think I can still write little scenes for tumblr, and I think I am getting close to being able to turn my YJ series into a regular old one-shot that can move to AO3. Which I feel rather excited about.