January 19: Weekend Day 3

[kinetic_elaboration]

I’m feeling a bad case of the Sunday night blues: long weekend edition. Objectively, I did a lot this weekend, and I probably used the time as well as I could have, to get the rest I needed but also to do a significant amount of schoolwork, and to get some other stuff done as well. I did no schoolwork today, about which I do feel a little guilty, but I did go out and I did do some writing. Total word count today, across two projects, was about 1800 words, which is really not bad at all.

I just want a lot of things and I need a lot of things. There are never enough hours and never enough energy. This upcoming week is also very tight: everything kind of has to go as planned because there is not wiggle room. And this makes me naturally nervous. We’re also supposed to get some major snow this weekend, like more major than I’ve seen here in a while (ever?) and while at first this was exciting, it’s now starting to make me nervous. I wish it was during the week so it could cancel work and I could stay cozy indoors. But I’m traveling this weekend and this opens up a big whirlpool of uncertainty about what I’ll becoming back to or if I will even be able to come back as planned. All complicated further by my classes and classwork. And I do not do well with uncertainty!

So. I don’t know. Today was a good day but I feel this growing sense of dread about the upcoming days, a dread that is unwarranted but hard to ignore.

I really do want to go back to writing fic in these spots but I just felt like I’d written enough today… I’m tired and I don’t want to do more. Most of what I worked on is not something I want to post, possibly ever but definitely not under my ‘real’ name, so I can’t excerpt it.

One thing I’ve been thinking about doing is talking about projects from my WIPs and ideas list, just, like, for fun? I was doing some of that today while at the coffee shop so I could direct my thoughts away from worrying. It feels weirdly self-indulgent but also–so is this? I mean it literally can’t be more boring than this post. We’ll see.