January 2: Current Feelings

[kinetic_elaboration]

I haven’t done any creative work today at all. My brain just put up a wall about it, won’t even consider it. I did other stuff, including most of my packing, and I feel like I got the most important stuff on my list done. But then I sort of drifted off into this weird nothing mood. I want to want to write, but I can’t get myself to. And I don’t really have anything to do in the evening.

And I’m just worried. I’ve had this string of days that starts tomorrow sort of hyped up in my mind for a while, since early December really: I’ll get these two weeks off and then everything will be happening all at once: orientation, travel, work, school. It’s fine, but it also kind of sucks.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t been creative. I’m subconsciously too nervous. In too narrow and focused of a head space. I don’t know.

I’m a little bitter because, even though I didn’t have major creative plans for today, it’s still probably my last chance to be creative at all (other than hopefully still keeping up with my 300 words…) for at least a week. Maybe that’s just hitting me now.

Uh, my brain’s such a mess. I’m going to stop thinking now.