October 15: More Quo Vadis Thoughts

[kinetic_elaboration]

I don’t want to talk about myself and I don’t have the energy to write creatively, and I don’t want to find that energy. I want to, like, actually self-care and get some more sleep and like… mentally clean house tomorrow, I think.

So to that end, even though I don’t really have many thoughts on Quo Vadis, some thoughts on Quo Vadis.

I have a little more than a hundred pages left and it is getting heavy. It’s sort of odd how on the one hand, it’s heavy in a very obvious way, and the writing is very dramatic and thick, sometimes a part will still hit me in this incredibly visceral way that somehow surprises me. Like, ‘yes this objectively sad thing happened and I’m sad about it, why?’ It feels somehow that I should be more detached, perhaps because I’ve been enjoying the drama-as-drama, or perhaps because the novel is more about the how and the enjoying the journey than about what happens next, much of which has been pretty predictable from the start, not in a bad way.

But, yeah, I’ve been finding some parts really outright dreadful. Like, I’m literally experiencing dread. Like the part where Vinicius is sure everything must be false or a nightmare but the sound of the arena being built reminds him it’s real. I dunno, maybe I’m bringing some of my own real life feelings to this, but then, that is part of the point of reading. Or maybe it’s nothing specific but just a general state of being older. I think if I’d read this 10, 15 years ago it would have hit different.

I like how Polonius is changing and growing without going througha major conversion like Vinicius did. The breeze that had touched him or whatever. His motivations are still partially what they always were–fuck around and find out, a lack of fear of death–but he’s also genuinely thinking of other people, and he’s willing to change his opinions when warranted, and he’s seeing Nero more, I think, for what he is, or rather, judging him more for what he is.

I really liked the scene where Vinicius sees Chilo as an Augustian: the role reversal, the Consequences of his Actions, but also the reveal of the depth of his character growth. Such a stark, visual moment.

I do sort of wish Lygia had a character arc but I get why she doesn’t; that’s not really her role, to change and grow, but rather to represent a perfectly formed, innocent, pure Christian Ideal. I mean, she could presumably gain maturity, this could be her coming of age, and I guess it sort of is? She comes to understand what it is to love romantically and she faces actual trials and suffering for the first time in her life–except that all of that suffering just makes her more Pure, holy, martyr-like.

Also, I’m no longer, like, fully convinced that they’re both going to be eaten by lions… but they probably will be eaten by lions. We’ll see.

I do sort of want to take a break for spooky season though–both because I want a break and because I want to read spooky things finally! I need some October Horror!