April 27: Some Writing Thoughts

[kinetic_elaboration]

I went out today and had some pretty nice coffee-and-notebook time, which I needed. I feel like I so often sit down and then just… obsess and worry and think in circles for an hour and then go home, so this time I decided to actually Plan a Thing. I brought out a fic I literally haven’t touched since the end of 2023 (the drawer fic kind of took over that particular spot in my brain, I think) but that I used to like to plan. I don’t know that I’ve ever thought I’d actually write it, and I still don’t really, but it’s fun to plot out.

Anyway, I was strong and did not get myself in a rut thinking meta-thoughts about the concept of writing but I’m going to indulge in that now, for no particular reason other than I want to.

Writing more (because I actually did this weekend and hat counts as ‘more’) makes me excited to write even more than that but also overwhelmed by the number of projects and ideas and so on. The gap between a vaguely defined cool-sounding idea and actually sitting down and writing it all out word for word. Or at least there is for me, an intimidating gap.

And I remain… kind of conflicted about my main projects. Not to retread this ground yet again but it’s tough to be working on almost nothing that has an outline or even really a set end point. I’d been so set in a certain way of writing that I needed to break out of it, but now I feel TOO loose, TOO all over the place. I miss doing events and having deadlines and just having that tunnel-like focus toward getting something DONE.

I don’t know. There’s an annoying sound outside my apartment (someone running their engine for the last HOUR PLUS, which should be a jailable offense frankly) and it’s disrupting my ability to form coherent thought.

I know that literally the only way to work on projects is to work on projects and there probably isn’t a magic, or even markedly better, way to organize or conceive of projects that will change that equation.

Ugh. I have been writing this off and on for a while and I can’t remember anything I was going to say because this noise won’t stop and I am giving up hope at this point of it ever stopping. I just give up in general.