October 4: Recovery Days

[kinetic_elaboration]

You can tell I’m both recovering and getting back to American time because it’s nearly 11 and I’m still awake. I’ve been mostly resting the past two days, which was the plan, but is not always easy. Especially when I’m resting because I feel bad and my body’s fighting off this cold and not just, like, for funsies.

I got very frustrated with what felt like a set back this morning, where I felt noticeably worse than at my best yesterday, more tired and just generally worn out. But I guess I just needed to feel it. And I needed to sleep more, which helped. Since then I’ve been doing better. We took a walk and watched most of a movie. The walk was definitely necessary to remind me of the existence of a wider world and get me in contact with fresh air. And the movie helped ward off some of the evening blues/anxiety/overthinking I always experience.

I even did some writing, which felt great! The thing is that I’ve known I needed to write and that it’s been way too long, I’ve been thinking about it all the time and yearning, but yet again I was surprised by how much better it made me feel. It is truly no joke when I say I need the creativity for my mental state.

It’s also very funny to me that I rarely ever post anymore. I mean obviously not never, especially on tumblr, but I write so much more stuff that’s just for me, or that is long and unfinished, or that’s just for a very small audience, or some combination of those things. And so, even though it’s true I don’t write as much as I want to, I am less in retreat than I appear.

Anyway, one more day here to recover and then, assuming I’m doing all right, back to my apartment and to work.