September 22: Packing Thoughts

[kinetic_elaboration]

Oh I am so close to falling asleep on the couch. I’ve been focused most of this day on trip preparations (perhaps including when I was at work… the heart wants what the heart wants, and so does the anxiety). Also breaking in my new shoes, which will take more breaking in time than I have. And actual packing and stuff after work. I am a little worried about what’s left to do even though objectively I think it’s pretty manageable. I think I’ve made most of the choices. I just need to do some repacking and rearranging and I think some culling. But again it’s more the doing and less the thinking.

But I also am working late tomorrow and it’s the last day I have to do almost any of it so I can’t push anything off. I don’t know. The thing I’m most worried about is that stuff will come up last minute. Oh, I forgot the thing. Oh, I thought that would fit there but it won’t. Oh, that needs to go on the bottom, let’s repack for the third time. And then the last minute overthinking. Like, I shouldn’t have taken that third French horn and I probably forgot a tuba!

Then I forced myself to do some writing, even though I’m very tired and I don’t know if any of it was coherent. I wish I could sink my teeth into this for a little longer at a time but that’s unrealistic. I’ve been doing the whole thing in small, steady, chunks; it’s been good enough so far and it’s good enough now.

I had more I wanted to work on but that’s probably unrealistic/a bad idea because I still need to shower, ugh.