August 27: Current Feelings

[kinetic_elaboration]

I was better rested today and thus felt better, but it’s starting to wear off now. Understandable: it’s getting late. But I did drop really suddenly from ‘yeah, doing okay’ to 'sort of depressed, probably shouldn’t be awake.’ Makes me not want to be introspective, but I want to be creative even less, so.

Being dropped so suddenly into this semester is really fucking with my head. I feel like all of the mostly-petty drama is just coming up all at once. Some of it’s real; some of it’s not; some of it has a sort of truth but it’s so disproportionate. There’s just a muchness about everything. I was thinking earlier that it’s like just having a bunch of big foam blocks dropped on my head all the time. They’re foam, so they don’t hurt, but why are there so many blocks?

It’s not just work but obviously that takes up a lot of my time and my energy, etc. I need things to slow down but not in an avoidance-way, which is always the easiest way. I need, like, and I know I keep saying this, but to be outside. Comb through my thoughts. Creative thoughts and otherwise. Unfortunately I am quite far from most creative thoughts, which is in and of itself a sign of… something.