August 9: Day Off

[kinetic_elaboration]

I’ve been treating this day like a sick day, really, resting a lot and not really doing anything and not feeling bad about it. The excuse is sort of my back, which hurts like hell still; I still feel it with painkillers, though without painkillers it’s like I literally cannot even make certain movements, so it’s way worse. This is sort of a silly excuse as my mind is perfectly fine and I’m not actually sick. But I think it’s probably bad that I wrenched my back in the first place, probably a sign of something. And my brain in general has just been extremely useless.

I’ve been trying to prod myself to write but I don’t want to write most things, or anything in the realm of what I “should” be writing. I’m not sure how much I should just indulge in my current mood while I can and how much I should be actively trying to push myself out of it.

Eh. Tomorrow I’ll be more active. I’m less worried about that than about the creativity angle. I feel like the stuff I am writing doesn’t count, and my mind is swirling around and everything and nothing. I’m trying to take this mood as something indulgent and allow myself it. Sometimes it isn’t allowed, it isn’t possible, so I might as well enjoy it while I can.