July 29: Tired Note

[kinetic_elaboration]

Big groan. I did a lot of work today, mostly at work, trying to create a scenario where I’m not anxious in the evening, and I was successful at that. I would probably still have been successful even if I’d been awake at all this evening. But I was so fucking exhausted I fell asleep immediately upon coming home. This is unideal for many reasons including–there go all my off hours. But I can’t even be mad. I needed it. I didn’t sleep enough last night, I did a lot of concentrated work during the day, it is so hot and so humid out it drains me in an almost vampiric fashion, and I have to do it all again tomorrow, pretty well the same way. Except hopefully with more sleep overnight.

It’s nice to be productive and to feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, to at least some degree. I know I can’t be… too ambitious, in a way. Like I have to be reasonable and I have to not be surprised when I am ill rested and then I feel tired. But ugh, I don’t like feeling this tired.

My mind is wandering a little. I should just shower and get to bed before I distract myself into feeling–not awake, but anxious or distracted or something.