July 2: Today's Tasks

[kinetic_elaboration]

Exhausted!! I was so sleepy after work I wanted to fall asleep on the bus, so I took a nap when I got home. Which honestly I don’t regret because I don’t think I would have the requisite energy otherwise. Then I woke up hungry, had to get dinner, and then do all the tasks on my list, which was rather a lot of tasks. I feel sort of accomplished and also sort of downtrodden, which is how I often feel after cleaning and it’s something I’m trying to work on, partly through, like, better habits/ways of thought and partly through Sheer Force of Will. I will never clean, organize, etc., if I feel bad after doing it. I should be proud of myself instead! And yet.

It always feels like there’s so much more to do and like I have shortcutted or half-assed something or like it doesn’t count. I guess I should make my goals lower or simpler or something, cut up the lists more…

Anyway, I did the stuff I had to do. Mostly cleaning… there’s a lot of unorganized shit still. But whatever. I will do it eventually. I will do things. I will continue getting things done.

Work has been kinda overwhelming too. I feel like I have too many physical items around me and too many random things on my to do list, and every time I almost get it together, a whole bunch of new stuff comes up. I try not to let that get to me: for every day I’m overwhelmed there is a day I’m, not bored, but forced to work on backburner projects I’m trying to avoid. One good thing about work is that I do feel more in control. So in that sense I kind of like being there. That said, do I want to get up early tomorrow and go to work? Not really. But I’m about to be off for several days so I guess it’s fine.