June 30: Some (Writing) Thoughts

[kinetic_elaboration]

Went down a bit of a rabbit hole this evening reading, among other things, my old writing and sort of, not really thinking about it, but letting it and various other thoughts wash over me. Not a lot that can really be put into words. Just soft impressions, and thoughts building up over each other. Perhaps like the early stages of what will become thought later, but I’m not sure.

I really do feel like I’m a good writer and that I have a style that’s distinctive, attractive, clear, and readable. It flows along very smoothly. I think my biggest fear is, like, writing something that says something, about something–by which I mean so much contemporary short literary fiction strikes me as being ultimately meaningless, leaves me with a big and so, and I’m scared of producing more of the same. I don’t really have anything to say and even if I did, I don’t know that it would be worth saying or that I would even really… be able to say it. That I have the right to say it. That I have any real observations to put forth. Plus I can’t develop characters worth anything.

Which is why I think I would probably be better off writing horror–which I do like and am good at it. It plays to my strengths better and is less… is intimidating the word? Makes me feel less demoralized and blah to think of it for longer periods.

I don’t know though; this is all quite hypothetical.