January 25: Some Current Notes

[kinetic_elaboration]

I feel like I’ve been sleeping so much but I’m still tired, working so much but too slowly and there’s still so much to do, and that’s just on school stuff, and my apartment is a mess, and I’m a mess. I’ll never accomplish anything other than school stuff again, and that only barely. Writing certainly feels 100 miles away.

I know most of this isn’t rational or even strictly true. I have tomorrow off because of the snow and while I do need to do school stuff, I think I can safely not spend the whole day on it (or avoiding it…). I need to work on my presentation mostly, which is in the tweaking and finishing things and practicing stage. It’ll take longer than I want it to but still. I think it will feel good if I spend some time making my living space nicer and more habitable. Will I write, even something silly and indulgent? Who knows….

I lost power for about… 90 minutes or so today, maybe closer to 2 hours. It came out of nowhere just when I was taking a little break in my work, and I took the beginning of that time to do some of my reading (downloaded on my fully charged laptop) and then I just curled up in my bed in some blankets and waited it out because I was so nervous. Then it came back on just as suddenly. But it was hard to go back to work after that.

I guess it’s good that as I’m tired as I am, should make going to sleep at a decent-ish hour possible. I wonder if I’ll have work on Tuesday. I’m of two minds about what I want. More time to get schoolwork done would be nice. But I’ll also go stir crazy in this apartment. All the energy and brain space I’ve been devoting to random mini-crises, to anxieties, to uncertainties this month. I know I’ll just remain really busy for a while but I really, really want it to get easier. Like just a little easier and more normal.